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Post by hoofie on Jan 9, 2018 5:30:03 GMT -7
I am a second-hand vegetarian: Cows eat grass, I eat cows.
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Post by hoofie on Jan 10, 2018 6:19:41 GMT -7
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Post by hoofie on Jan 11, 2018 6:07:23 GMT -7
Gambling addiction hotlines would be so much more effective if every 10th caller was a winner.
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Post by hoofie on Jan 12, 2018 6:30:21 GMT -7
Bags of pet food should come with a toy in the bottom like a box of cereal
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Post by hoofie on Jan 12, 2018 11:58:09 GMT -7
You can substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
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Post by hoofie on Jan 13, 2018 13:37:08 GMT -7
Walmart should consider installing bars with an observation deck so we could people watch.
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Post by hoofie on Jan 14, 2018 11:32:10 GMT -7
There’s going to be a lot of mid-October nuclear scare babies born in Hawaii.
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Post by hoofie on Jan 15, 2018 6:38:12 GMT -7
A fly flying through a fart must be like a human driving past a paper mill.
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Post by hoofie on Jan 16, 2018 6:02:39 GMT -7
Since the iPhone X has facial recognition, a lot of women that use heavy makeup will get locked out of their own phone.
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Post by hoofie on Jan 17, 2018 10:59:10 GMT -7
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one!'
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Post by hoofie on Jan 18, 2018 6:39:57 GMT -7
Being around someone who has resolved to stop swearing is like watching a child learn to walk. You want them to succeed but it’s usually funnier if they fail.
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Post by hoofie on Jan 19, 2018 7:32:28 GMT -7
When high we basically turn into dogs, licking all the cheese out of the cheese and crackers, unexpected doorbell scares the sh** out of you, random food combinations taste delicious, and someone rubbing your back feels heavenly.
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Post by hoofie on Jan 20, 2018 11:39:15 GMT -7
Losing your virginity greatly reduces the odds of being a human sacrifice.
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Post by hoofie on Jan 21, 2018 13:27:39 GMT -7
Your belly button is just your old mouth.
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Post by hoofie on Jan 22, 2018 6:29:00 GMT -7
Ever hear a high pitched ringing in your ear for no reason? Probably a dog somewhere blowing a human whistle.
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