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Post by hoofie on Oct 13, 2016 5:51:09 GMT -7
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Post by hoofie on Oct 13, 2016 6:47:12 GMT -7
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turns to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."
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Post by hoofie on Oct 14, 2016 12:18:03 GMT -7
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Post by hoofie on Oct 17, 2016 6:57:47 GMT -7
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Post by hoofie on Oct 18, 2016 10:53:30 GMT -7
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains at a local university. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
"Well" he said "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation".
Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist, spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.
In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear, and then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!"
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start".
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Post by JMHO on Oct 19, 2016 6:28:25 GMT -7
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Post by hoofie on Oct 19, 2016 6:43:22 GMT -7
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Post by JMHO on Oct 20, 2016 13:08:11 GMT -7
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Post by hoofie on Oct 21, 2016 5:36:15 GMT -7
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous.
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Post by JMHO on Oct 21, 2016 6:45:37 GMT -7
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Post by hoofie on Oct 23, 2016 12:51:31 GMT -7
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Post by hoofie on Oct 24, 2016 6:55:52 GMT -7
I will seek and find You . . I shall take you to bed and have my way with you. I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan. I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you. And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days. All my love, The Flu Now, get your mind out of the gutter and Go get your flu shot!
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Post by hoofie on Oct 25, 2016 9:08:50 GMT -7
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Post by JMHO on Oct 27, 2016 14:13:49 GMT -7
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Post by hoofie on Oct 29, 2016 11:07:03 GMT -7
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