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Post by hoofie on Oct 11, 2016 10:21:52 GMT -7
“Head, shoulders, knees, and toes” is just a song about what’s gonna hurt when you’re 50.
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Post by hoofie on Oct 12, 2016 13:36:33 GMT -7
If I list “fiction writer” in my work experience, will anyone believe the rest of my resume?
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Post by hoofie on Oct 13, 2016 5:09:20 GMT -7
Whenever I type "etc", it means that I ran out of examples.
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Post by hoofie on Oct 14, 2016 10:19:48 GMT -7
Starbucks should have a separate line just for plain coffee.
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Post by hoofie on Oct 14, 2016 12:13:10 GMT -7
So many pigs seem to die while eating an apple.
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Post by hoofie on Oct 15, 2016 10:43:34 GMT -7
Google Earth gives You the opportunity to go and see anywhere in the world… so what you do? You go and look at your house.
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Post by hoofie on Oct 16, 2016 8:37:17 GMT -7
My body is a temple. But it's one of those temples in Thailand where they let monkeys crap all over the place.
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Post by hoofie on Oct 17, 2016 7:05:00 GMT -7
Diet tip: Your pants never get too tight if you don't wear any pants.
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Post by hoofie on Oct 18, 2016 5:13:21 GMT -7
I can’t tell if I’m becoming more attractive or if I’m just getting used to how ugly I am.
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Post by JMHO on Oct 18, 2016 6:55:59 GMT -7
Autocorrect: Where you end up posting some thong you didn't Nintendo.
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Post by hoofie on Oct 19, 2016 7:02:00 GMT -7
My neighbors listen to really good music.............
........whether they like it or not.
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Post by JMHO on Oct 19, 2016 7:19:59 GMT -7
The cool part about naming your child is you don't have to add 6 numbers to make sure the name is available.
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Post by hoofie on Oct 20, 2016 5:06:14 GMT -7
Real friends never let you do stupid things alone.
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Post by hoofie on Oct 20, 2016 9:19:08 GMT -7
There should be a reverse-Yelp that warns businesses about nasty customers.
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Post by hoofie on Oct 21, 2016 4:56:24 GMT -7
Maybe plants are really farming us, giving us oxygen until we eventually expire and turn into mulch which they can consume.
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