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Post by hoofie on Jun 22, 2020 5:11:57 GMT -7
The iPhone calculator has the same color scheme as Pornhub. I only know that because a friend told me.
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Post by hoofie on Jun 23, 2020 6:05:09 GMT -7
Auto correct is that kid in the class the confidently yells out wrong answers.
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Post by hoofie on Jun 24, 2020 6:03:35 GMT -7
In cartoon universes, race cars have an extra gear that only becomes available when the driver becomes more determined.
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Post by hoofie on Jun 25, 2020 5:42:11 GMT -7
Cashews fished out of a can of mixed nuts taste better and are more appealing than cashews taken from a can of just cashews.
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Post by hoofie on Jun 26, 2020 12:36:35 GMT -7
Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes, that's boring. Try spending 30 minutes in my mind, that'll freak you out.
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Post by hoofie on Jun 27, 2020 12:22:13 GMT -7
The first step of being stupid is thinking you're intelligent.
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Post by hoofie on Jun 28, 2020 12:31:16 GMT -7
It’s either Arkansas or Kansas that is pronouncing their state correctly.
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Post by hoofie on Jun 29, 2020 4:40:19 GMT -7
Go to the animal shelter to get a new pet, you're a saint. Go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their minds.
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Post by hoofie on Jun 30, 2020 11:51:11 GMT -7
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Post by hoofie on Jul 1, 2020 8:10:55 GMT -7
If we made our shoelaces out of headphone wires they would always tie themselves.
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Post by hoofie on Jul 2, 2020 6:57:06 GMT -7
Everybody, as a child, had that fantasy of stopping time and just walking around doing things, whether it be at school or at a store.
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Post by cajun2core on Jul 2, 2020 7:58:36 GMT -7
Everybody, as a child, had that fantasy of stopping time and just walking around doing things, whether it be at school or at a store. What do you mean "as a child"? ;-)
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Post by hoofie on Jul 3, 2020 13:09:13 GMT -7
The easiest way to turn your sofa into a bed is to forget your wife's birthday
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Post by hoofie on Jul 5, 2020 13:57:56 GMT -7
Dropping a cup of coffee will wake you up more than drinking it.
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Post by hoofie on Jul 6, 2020 13:55:21 GMT -7
If you think you’re ugly, maybe you aren’t your type.
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