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Post by hoofie on Dec 9, 2020 6:33:11 GMT -7
There comes a point in life where people telling you "look how big you have gotten" stops being a compliment.
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Post by hoofie on Dec 10, 2020 7:26:48 GMT -7
Subway really normalized eating an entire loaf of bread.
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Post by hoofie on Dec 15, 2020 11:51:45 GMT -7
If shopping turns you on then you're buysexual.
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Post by hoofie on Dec 16, 2020 8:59:25 GMT -7
New jobs are easiest when no one likes the person you're replacing; they're hardest when everyone loved them.
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Post by hoofie on Dec 18, 2020 6:36:28 GMT -7
In the big scheme of things, life is just a short break from nonexistence.
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Post by hoofie on Dec 21, 2020 7:37:55 GMT -7
Adulthood is 50% “I’m too young for this to be happening” and 50% “I’m too old for this crap”.
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Post by hoofie on Dec 22, 2020 6:46:17 GMT -7
People think being smart is knowing everything, without asking questions, but it’s actually the opposite.
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Post by hoofie on Dec 23, 2020 7:13:54 GMT -7
The older you get, the more unfeasible it becomes to change your mobile number.
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Post by hoofie on Dec 25, 2020 12:58:29 GMT -7
Dogs live in the moment on a level that we humans could never achieve. And they’re content with it. They get in the car and don’t know if the next destination is the dog park, the vet, or a 5 hour road trip. They’re just happy to be included.
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Post by hoofie on Dec 28, 2020 6:32:10 GMT -7
If laundry baskets were the same shape and volume of washing machine drums it'd be easier to see when there was the right amount of clothes to wash.
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Post by hoofie on Dec 28, 2020 9:03:40 GMT -7
I wish people came with a 30 second trailer so I could see what I'm getting into.
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Post by hoofie on Dec 29, 2020 7:00:17 GMT -7
Whiskey and I are a bad combination. One disappears, the other ends up naked.
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Post by hoofie on Dec 30, 2020 7:06:32 GMT -7
The adult version of “Where’s Waldo” is looking for the unsubscribe button in emails.
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Post by hoofie on Jan 5, 2021 11:19:51 GMT -7
It's interesting how quickly 'too drunk to cook a frozen pizza' can become 'sober enough to fight a fire'.
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Post by hoofie on Jan 7, 2021 7:08:21 GMT -7
Some people wake up feeling like a million bucks. Me? I wake up feeling like insufficient funds.
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